SPORK SPORK SPORK!!!

Those of you practicing due diligence in healing the earth are invited to:
1. Watch this video (thank you and thank you).

2. "Be saddened" and "regret" the harsh climate effects of personal aircraft. Propose Gen-Con 2009 legislation mandating that all private aircraft owned or hired by TEC serve comestibles that can be sporked. Mandate said aircraft offer sporks as the only choice of eating utensil.

3. Get sporked.
3a. I wonder if I'll ever merit a spork on my coat of arms?
3b. "Spork" is almost as fun to say as Plump Pea Dumplings, especially if you eat spam with a spork.
3c. Buy reusable titanium sporks at Amazon, there are LOTS to choose from.
3d. Find anyone who can take you seriously when you take sporks seriously.
3e. Product brand a spork. Years ago I discovered the pun "Ang'lican Good". The time has come to trademark and sell the lickable, re-lickable Ang'lickin' Good Spork. I am "saddened" and "regret" the unfortunate necessity of the term "Anglican" for said pun.

4. Don't poke fun at such serious subjects.

Plump Pea Dumplings

Google ads suggests I try cooking Plump Pea Dumplings.

I'm not tempted as they look just like I imagine Plump Pea Dumplings would look, but I have NEVER come across a dish that is more fun to say than Plump Pea Dumplings.

"Tonight, live on stage, Plump Pea Dumplings, and the orchestra!"

"It came from the bottom of the sea to seek its ancient revenge on Plump Pea Dumplings!"

"I have a black belt in Plump Pea Dumplings!"

"Yes, yes, take the Waterloo line to the Plump Pea Dumplings Station and we're across from the pub." (n.b. I never met a pea in England that wasn't mushy (pronounced "mooshy", and they sure are).)

PLUMP PEA DUMPLINGS is an anagram for
MALIGNED PLUMP PUP
SIGNALED PLUMP PUMP
MANGLED PUPIL PUMPS
SLAMMED UPPING PULP
PALMED PLUMPING PUS

Plump Pea Dumplings Plump Pea Dumplings Plump Pea Dumplings!!! I just can't get enough.

Chuck Norris is religious

Here is a curious vid:



I was somewhat unsure how to think about this promotion but came to realize it was not Chuck Norris' first action on behalf of Christendom:


and

In case you're wondering, let me be the first to assure you that a spinning hook in-cassock is about as hard as you'd think.

Clips are from Firewalker, which you should endure to support treasure hunters who smoke, drink, impersonate priests, and stick it to guerillas - occasionally all at the same time.

Foot Karma

I prefer not to wear shoes. This is realistic less often than I like. Consequently when my feet must be oppressed I prefer their comfort, which results in the paradox that someone who dislikes shoes probably spends more on them.

Merrells have been good to my feet in years past. I just found the Merrell Karma, which is about ideal for regular semi-dress use.

The irony is equally appealing. Here is a pig skin shoe named Karma. Not only did the pig warrant death, he warrants being tread underfoot in death. Or, what if you are reincarnate from the pig whose skin became the shoes you now wear? Wouldn't that be ironic? Stomping your ancestor must merit returning as something else terrible.

Bottom line: Don't get these shoes or don't believe in reincarnation. And pass the bacon.

What can you end a sentience with an awareness of?

I know, lame joke. But I'm writing on sentience at the moment, and if you can't end a sentience with a preposition, what can you end it with?

Containment: Redress

I told myself that I would not respond to people commenting and sending email about my previous post. I failed to listen to myself. Here are 3 responses:

1. There should a blogging rule that anonymous commenting is allowed, but in the cosmic calculus of fairness any anonymous commenter owes the commentee 1 beer. Then everyone would be too happy to care. Or comment.

2. I am about to be lambasted as frivolous and irreverent in addition to orthodox/heretical/megalomaniacal. Please leave an anonymous comment about how I should be (with special reference to my personal failings) staying mindful of #1. You can PayPal me the $beer.

3. My brother, who perhaps has the gift of encouragement, offers the following words of reassurance: Just remember that whatever happens you are MICAH SNELL. You can give people some MEAN CHILLS, and then retreat to your SMALL NICHE, where you can call them some CHILL NAMES and exult in the CHAIN SMELL, and then soothe your soul by giving some LICHEN ALMS.

4. Oh, there were 4: Sarcasm is never suited to the blogosphere and should be avoided.

Crop Circle Research: Tax Deductible!

Apparently you can make a tax-free donation to those who study Crop Circles. Without discriminating against those who think aliens make Crop Circles.

I sort of hope they prove that aliens make Crop Circles, because then we can probably blame aliens for Global Warming also.

Based on exhaustive critical research (Wikipedia) I have concluded that the vast majority of Crop Circles are man-made, but still really cool. Critics who get upset about trespassing and property damage are legally in the right. But the victims tend to make a lot of money offa being Crop Circled since tourists and researchers will pay a lot to investigate the phenomena. So you decide if they should really stop.

But the interesting thing is that a percentage of Crop Circles are not fully explicable according to human means. The nice, alien-friendly, and tax-deductible folks at BLT Research (hold the mayo) have scientific evidence about weird effects on plants and soil that can't adequately be explained. For example, expulsion cavities that occur in the plant stem nodes, which is a scientific way of saying the plants explode at the knuckles. That's awesome, and hard to humanly replicate without MIT-built microwave emitters. See the site for other weird stuff.


So, Crop Circles: I'm skeptical with a shot of agnostic. I'm prepared to believe in the natural explanations. But they don't yet appear complete.

The challenge would presumably be to find or produce Crop Circles without geometric form in fields without tractor lines.

Jump-start your own continued education on the YoobTube here.

SHARKS CAUSE GNIMRAW LABOLG!!!

(Technical Update: UTyoube is finicky about letting me embed the shark vid. Sorry for massive post/repost/riposte efforts)

I have, polumerws kai polutropos, tried to take Global Warming seriously. What I have retained from my vague occasional efforts is a persistent agnosticism and impression the issue is funny.

What other issue brings together Al Gore, the Toyota Prius, and Madonna?

But now it gets better. Apparently, SHARKS are the new Whales. Not only are we killing them off, they're much cuddlier than we've always presumed when we hear about them eating surfers. Apparently this video depicts a Great White Act of Love.

That's so CUTE! And it causes gnimraw labolg! According to this upcoming hug-a-shark-umentary.

And ignorant indigenous peoples who kill sharks to eat or sell don't love sharks or mother earth nearly enough. At least I think that's the implied message.

Polls are open

I've added the Poll widget, because it's been statistically proven that polls produce statistics.



Rest assured that no important issues will be decided (or raised) by this poll, so click on up to the site to register your most important opinion. And even if you don't live in Chicago vote early and vote often.

Socratman 1

Or, Bacrates. Really, it's Socrates vs. Batman in a classic rumble to determine who is better.

Why do we care? Because we can. And, because next week this org is reading this text and watching this movie. Hence: Who is better, Socrates or Batman?

The Cave: Batman protects a city from his cave. Socrates says human experience is a cave. Batman retreats to the cave. Socrates wants to escape the cave. Batman gots super technology in his cave. Socrates is chained to the wall in his cave watching shadow puppets. No advantage to either competitor as B is cooler but more selfish and S is depressing yet profound.

Poisons: Socrates dies of hemlock with a smile on his face. Batman isolates an antidote to that Scarecrow poison stuff. Advantage Batman.

Physical Ability: Socrates stands unaffected in freezing cold. Batman falls through ice and shivers. Batman beats up prison thugs bare handed. Socrates is exemplary in military campaings. Batman goes on a bender and has Alfred to put him back together. Socrates goes on a bender and goes straight about his day. Batman has outrageously technical super suit. Socrates doesn't even have an outer cloak. Batman is twenty-something. Socrates is 70. Advantage Socrates.

Appearance: Batman is the flower of manhood in skin-tight kevlar played by Christian Bale. Socrates is ugly. Advantage Batman.

Discernment: Batman duped by Ras Al Ghul. Socrates makes anyone say whatever he wants. Advantage Socrates.

The Girl: Batman dates the brunette who ends up Scientologist. Socrates learns Love from Diotima. Advantage Socrates.

Final score after first round: Socrates 3, Batman 2, Draws 1.

Stay tuned for further deep reflection on this subject.

Why Opera Rules

And I don't mean the web browser, which I know nothing about. Nor do I mean Oprah, who I understand is even more popular than the web browser.

Currently I am listening to Lakme, which is awesome. But.

It's an opera written in French. Apparently this is not so usual as Italian. Apparently Italian is best for anything loud; this has been verified by every experience I've had hearing Italians, and that's just when they're talking, but I digress.

Lakme is written in French, but Leo Delibes was an avowed Frenchman. I presume. I haven't actually checked. But it is pronounced "d'leeb" so I presume.

Ok, fair enough, why not have an opera in French?

Well, I did just find out the setting is India and prominently features covert Hindus, British imperialists, and an interracial, interreligious love tragedy betwixt representatives of each party, none of which, I again presume, speak French.

But, again just presuming, Operators (hyuck, I don't know another term for them so I made that up) might not train much in Hindi or even English for that matter, so idealism collides with pragmatics and authorial determinism, and we have a French opera about Pommies and Hindoos.

Beyond the is-ness of this, I can't do too much more explaining. I just like that opera can be like this, and truthfully it's harder to find an opera without a wacky premise.

The Kumars at #42, somewhere in the first season, do a rather brilliant expose to prove that all opera is ripped off from Bollywood but is not as long, exuberant, or absurd. It's a tense argument with a controversial conclusion but I found the case for Bollywood strong.

So, the circle comes, um, full circle as we finally have an opera, surely ripped off from Bollywood somewhere, that actually has an Indian story but is written and scored in some Frankish place which is almost surely not Vietnam.

If this kind of commingling doesn't contribute to Global Warming I don't know what would, and this is why I am a proponent of Global Warming.

Streets paved with what?

Quite possibly the the New Jerusalem is made of beer:

Rev 21:18 ...and the city was pure gold, like unto clear glass.

Episcopal Ringtone?

On the frivolousest of whims I put Google ads on this site. To date I have not received a single ad hit that I am aware of, which I think is hilarious. At least the ads have stopped being for equine veterinary supplies.

Today the ad was for an Episcopal Ringtone from RingRingMobile.com. I am contractually bounden to not click on my own ads so I can't find out what this is.

What would an Episcopal ringtone be? There must be a billion hilarious answers to this question.

Do we have a fight song? A peace song?

Could Nashotah House make bank selling a ringtone of our anthem? Our fight song?

Would a good Anglo-Catholic cell emit incense as it rings?

Would a low church phone just sit there even if it was ringing?

I smell the nicheiest of markets.

Move Over Anna Nicole

Oh dear.

Hatless tip to Mere Comments.